i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
