She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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