my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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