i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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