Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
