I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
