I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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