There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize