things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize