what day is it and did you see me today?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
