His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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