Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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