I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
