Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
