dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize