i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
