i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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