you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
