Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My hand turned me down
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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