Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
