You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
