did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
