no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Randomize
