...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
