I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
