just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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