At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
