Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
one two three fourrrrnication!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
