We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
