Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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