in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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