No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
