I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
