They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
