I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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