the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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