Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
