Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
