Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
