the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
