It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
