guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
