He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
