I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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