It's Friday. Sex?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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