Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
