I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
