and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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