You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize