I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
