thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
