I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
