There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
