Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
