i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
