so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think i got beer on your cat.
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