OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
