I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize