I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
