It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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