i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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