If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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