Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
