Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize