I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Bring me that man meat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
