Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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