from now on my penis is your penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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