I puked a lego.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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