I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I will pee on everything he values.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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