She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
